I hate when I am angry and frustrated and filled with jealousy. It makes me feel like a horrible human being for feeling that way. Especially when it is towards my family. I know it has to do with issues from my past and how I grew up and I am trying my hardest not to feel that way, but sometimes….it’s just so hard.

I broke down and cried in front of my mom. I feel like I have failed at so much and I don’t know how to make things better. I think she thought she was at fault, but I told her in no uncertain terms that she has nothing to do with why I am depressed and I don’t want her to feel guilty for anything. I try to keep my feelings bottled-up or let them out when nobody is around so I don’t bother anyone, but it’s hard to do that when I have no privacy at the moment.

I wish I wasn’t continually on this emotional roller-coaster where one sentence or phrase can set me off and make me depressed.

I ordered my computer…

I ordered my new computer! It says it will be here between the 8th and the 11th. I am excited. I really needed a new one that would run faster and has more memory then the one I am currently using.

My mother bought herself the first season of Murder She Wrote. lol. We don’t have cable at the moment, and my mom missed watching it when it would rerun on tv, so she decided to start buying the seasons.

New book…

My mother brought home a new book for me today as a surprise! It’s called Blaze by Richard Bachman. I collect the hardback books written by Stephen King/RB and for some reason I didn’t have this one. It’s funny, because sometimes she will bring me books home by S.K. and she will be like, “I hope you don’t have this one yet.” It just surprises me that she hasn’t gotten a duplicate book for me yet, even though I have a bunch of them. Anyways, I haven’t read it yet, so I will probably start reading it sometime this week when I get the chance.

Blaze - Richard Bachman/Stephen King