Not surprised…

Well my Halloween plans fell through…again. I’m not really surprised. I always get my hopes up that something will go right and it doesn’t. I think I am going to quit thinking things will work out and just…be. That way, I won’t be upset when whatever I want fails to come through. But everyone else will be having fun and that’s the only thing that matters.

Found a kitten in our dumpster…

Early this morning around 3:30, I heard a cat meowing. I thought it was one of our two cats, but I found them in the house so I just figured it was one of the neighbors cats. Well this afternoon, my youngest sister took the garbage out and runs back in the house and said there was a kitten in the garbage. My mom, sister and me run outside and sure enough, there is a little kitten in the garbage under a bag of potatoes. It was so sad. We got one of our cats crates and my sister hopped on a chair and jumped in the garbage tank. It took us about 5 minutes trying to catch it because it was terrifed and was kind of flipping out.

We had him in the cat crate, but then we got a huge box and put food, water and litter in it and well…He/she jumped right out it. lol. Then, he ran around the house while our other cats wanted to know what was going on and he hissed and ran into my room and is currently under my bed. We decided to just let him stay under there until he calms down a bit.

We tried to call a vet to make an appointment to have him checked out, but all the vets closed around 2:00 and they aren’t opened on Sundays and Monday is a holiday. *sigh* We are keeping him away from our other cats in case he is sick or something. He looks a little raggedy and a bit thin, but seems ok. Still, we are going to keep him away from our other cats because we don’t know if he is sick or has fleas, lice or whatever.

I am just so upset about the whole thing. How could someone just dump a poor animal like that and in the trash. There is no way that it just hoped in. The garbage can is one of those huge ones that are really high. I hate people sometimes. And I feel guilty. I heard a cat meowing and I just assumed it was a neighbors cat. It had been in the trash, under a bag of potatoes, in the heat. I don’t think it would have survived very long if my sister hadn’t found him. I also have a feeling that one of the neighbors may have known it was there, but chose to ignore it. He was working on his car and cleaning it out and the car was right near the garbage can. If I heard it from my bedroom window, he had to have heard the cat while outside next to the garbage itself. :/

Anyways, we will get it fixed and get its shots and keep it. He/she deserves to have a home where it doesn’t have to worry about being dumped in the garbage again.

* I will post pictures of him later when he has calmed down.

He has calmed down a bit. We caught him and put him back in the crate and he is so worn out and tired. I feel so bad for him. He seems like he may be sick. Plus, we think he might be a lot younger then we thought. We think he may only be a couple of weeks old, but we are not sure yet.

Here is a picture:

Kitty we found in the dumpster

I hate when I am angry and frustrated and filled with jealousy. It makes me feel like a horrible human being for feeling that way. Especially when it is towards my family. I know it has to do with issues from my past and how I grew up and I am trying my hardest not to feel that way, but sometimes….it’s just so hard.

I broke down and cried in front of my mom. I feel like I have failed at so much and I don’t know how to make things better. I think she thought she was at fault, but I told her in no uncertain terms that she has nothing to do with why I am depressed and I don’t want her to feel guilty for anything. I try to keep my feelings bottled-up or let them out when nobody is around so I don’t bother anyone, but it’s hard to do that when I have no privacy at the moment.

I wish I wasn’t continually on this emotional roller-coaster where one sentence or phrase can set me off and make me depressed.